An education. Something millions of people within the United States take for granted on a daily basis. I know I was one of them. During high school I was one of the thousands of students every year who would have rather been elsewhere and like any girl worth her salt, where there a will there's a way. Looking back I wish I had only been as dedicated to my classes.
Well as many of you will have seen coming, I dropped out of high school at the point where my fellow classmates were about to graduate but didn't lose to much ground. In order to keep from getting cut off financially at age 17 I took the GED and actually received my passing results three days before my class took their walk down the isle. Go me. I'm three days ahead at this point. It's unfortunate that a piece of paper can not instill a desire to learn. I spent the next two years fumbling through college until I became CNA certified. I got full time employment. I could support myself and at age 19 I was out on my own trying to live my life. You can imagine that I found something was missing. So let's back track three months before my 19th birthday.
My sister in law (my best friend) was in rough waters with her husband. In an attempt to irritate him and try to be part of his life she decided after we had seen a movie she was going to drop by and surprise him at a Friday Night game night he attended with a girl she thought he was too close to. (That was years ago their fine now don't worry). Well we were in the same car so I said I'd drop her off, she could ride home with her husband. We pull into the lot and in the window there is a group of people having a good ol time laughing and smiling, you could feel the energy radiating off them. I found myself smiling. I had forgotten what it felt like to not just be drifting through life. She convinced me to go in with her, where a man convinced me to stay and join the games. If I didn't have fun or said I was bored he'd apologize and not say another word. This was the first time I met the man I fell in love with.
Fast forward again. After some resistance I joined his D&D group and saved my self the effort of falling for him and just dove. For the first time in years laughter came easy and for the first time since middle school he instilled in me a desire to learn. He'd tell me stories of History and we would discuss science and I wanted to know more. More than that, I wanted to be a girl he would be proud to say was his. It was a month after my 19th birthday I got my wish he asked me if I would go out to dinner with him one night.
That fall through many tears and fears I hadn't had the strength or desire to face alone, I was enrolled full time in college. Financially I was sinking in an unsustainable lifestyle but for the first time in years I had focus on education. I KNEW what I wanted. Where I was going. Most importantly I believed I could do it. The hard part was how. My family and I were on unstable terms and unwilling to help me any farther with college. They were convinced I had gone as far as I was going in life.
I wasn't done yet. Unable to get my parents tax information left me ineligible for even fafsa so I did it the hard way. I worked every hour I could get my hand on, I studied, and still found time for my new love to grow. It was an emotional roller coaster. We had fights. I cried. He'd help me study before finals. It seemed everything that could go wrong did at some point including my car, choosing the morning of finals where power had gone out so my alarm never went off, died. Yet I never stopped. Now two years later I ran down to meet the mail man every day for a month asking if the package had come that held my associates degree.
Of course the one day I give that it won't come on Saturday, So at 11pm I walked down to hte box and our little one only held a key. I thought it was another late present for my boyfriend's birthday. I nearly cried when I saw the college ensignia. After two years it was mine and no one could take it away from me. Even now as I work toward my Bachelors and one day my Masters degree, no one can take this love of knowledge away from me. No one can take away this accomplishment like fire took my home, anger took my brother, no one could take this from me.
It is my only regret that I do not know how to instill this love into others. How to make them see as I wish I had seen. How do you make people understand that you can't give up. How do you make people want to right by themselves and reach all they are capable of. How do you mold them into someone great that will lead the country into tomorrow. They say children are the future. I look around my neighborhood and I want to cry. This can not be the future. It is school hours as I write this. A pair of teenage boys and a couple girls sneak past ditching back packs by a tree.
I could have called truency but I know better than anyone that forcing them to go will not force them to learn. It is the way they were raised I think. Their parents could do no better. I hear a slurred voice shouting through the walls. A woman shouts back. When does the cycle end. So many people who know its not their fault when all they have to do is rise up and say, this isn't good enough for me. I deserve better. All they have to do is act. I just wish I knew. How do you instill others with a desire to learn. How does the little girl that wanted to be a nurse grow into the woman who will never be more than an alcoholics wife? Why does this happen? How do we stop it? I don't know. I hope that one day I will look back and say, look how far we have come. I am afraid that this is unrealistic. Please America. Prove me wrong. Let America grow strong together through knowledge and wisdom. Never let anyone tell you that you are not good enough. Never stop learning.
Girl in a Corset signing off.
I believe in you.
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